


Elf Quest

by Haywire



Category: New Girl
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jess's fellow teachers let her down for a Christmas-themed event at school, she calls in a favour from her roommates, which goes about as well as you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elf Quest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bayloriffic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bayloriffic/gifts).



> Written for bayloriffic for Yuletide 2013, hope that you like it! :)

“Where is Schmidt?” Jess demanded, stomping her foot for emphasis. “You guys were supposed to be here like thirty minutes ago!”

She was dressed in a Santa Claus outfit, complete with a white puffy beard hanging limply from her chin, the moustache portion constantly getting in her mouth. Jess spit it out and swatted at her face every few seconds, but it kept falling back over her lips.

“Ok, but you didn’t answer my question,” Nick said. “Why are you dressed like that again?”

“Because it’s Christmas, Nick!” she said in a hushed yet angry voice, a raised whisper accompanied with a stern look.

The three of them were standing outside of Jess’s classroom in the hallway, with Jess dressed as Santa and both Nick and Winston dressed as elves. Jess’s costume was clearly several sizes too big for her, yet she was trying her best to cope with the situation.

“I called you guys because the teachers who were going to be my elves all called out ‘sick,’” she said, using air quotes for emphasis, her fingers barely visible underneath the large, fluffy white cuffs of the suit. “and while they’re home recovering from the staff Christmas party last night or whatever they did out on the town, I’m left high and dry.”

“Yeah, Jess, but-” Winston started. 

“No buts, mister! And most importantly, they’re letting _the children_ down!” She pointed to the window of the classroom door, where her students sat waiting for her to return. “Which, by the way, is _exactly_ what you’re doing right now too!” She blew the beard out of her way again, not caring when it fell right back in the way.

“Wait, what did I do?!” Winston whisper shouted in return. His costume was nearly flawless, right from the long, floppy elf hat to the pants and suspenders of his costume and the pointy toed shoes. “Do you know how many costume rental places I had to go to before I found one that had one of these left?”

“You are festive and merry, Winston, and completely into character” Jess begrudgingly admitted, crossing her arms. “but you let _him_ wear… wear whatever the hell _that_ is!” She pointed to Nick, who was simply wearing a green t-shirt - which had an almost completely faded John Deere logo in its upper right hand corner that Nick had been sure Jess would miss but which she _totally_ saw - and red flannel pajama bottoms. “You’re still wearing sneakers for goodness sake!”

“Ah, but you haven’t seen the hat!” Nick raised a finger in his defence, then pulled out a hat and plopped it onto his head. It was a Santa hat with ear flaps, which he deftly tied up underneath his chin and modeled, turning his head from side to side. “See? Perfect, right?”

“Nick.” Jess said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. “That. Is. A. Santa. Hat. You,” she punched at his chest. “Are. An. _Elf._ ”

Taking a step back from the force of Jess’s punch, Nick paused and weighed his words before replying. “Yeah, but I’m just sayin’, though. Santa’s a dude. And hey, you’ve got me right here, a Nick. As in _Saint Nick_.”

“NICK I AM SANTA AND YOU ARE AN ELF AND YOU HAD BETTER START ACTING LIKE IT MISTER!” she softly yelled, pushing the envelope between whisper shouting and actual shouting to its limit. “Besides, I do not have an elf costume. That’s why I called you guys and asked you to dress up as elves and to meet me here at eight thirty a.m. _sharp!_ ” She eyed the clock, the hands of which had just moved past nine. “Home room is almost over and I still haven’t given the kids their Christmas treats, and today is the last day of classes, and they’ll be going home soon, and Christmas is ruined, and they’re going to hate me, and-”

“Jess, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Calm down, girl.” Winston reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to throw her arms around him and bury her head into his shoulder.. “It’s going to be ok, I promise. They don’t hate you.” He gestured to Jess with his head, angrily mouthing at Nick to join in and help support their roommate.

Sighing, Nick put his hands up in surrender. “He’s right, Jess, Christmas isn’t ruined.” He paused before reaching out to pat her on the back, frowning at how loose it was. “I mean, no offense but I would be much better suited to play the role of Santa Claus,” he started, stopping when Winston kicked him in the shins with one of his pointy shoes. ”OW, I mean, um… ‘ow could you do anything but… save… Christmas for these kids… guv’nor?”

Pulling back from Winston, stopping to disentangle the beard from one of the bells on Winston’s costume, Jess sniffed and looked at Nick. “Are you sure? And why are you British?”

“Because you’re you, Jess. You don’t ruin things, you fix them.” Nick said, shrugging. “And because I’m… trying to get into character?” He looked to Winston, who stood behind Jess and just shook his head. “Yeah, it’s a Dickensian interpretation, you know. Into character.”

Jess brushed some tears out of her eyes, smiling at him. “That’s… not really what I had in mind, but thank you for trying.” She turned and grinned at Winston. “And thank you, Winston, you’re clearly the head elf and will be my first in command,”

“Damn straight.” Winston said with a serious nod.

“But where’s Schmidt?” Jess asked.

As if on cue, the entrance to the school opened at the opposite end of the hall and in walked Schmidt in an elaborate, fully detailed costume. He wore a long blonde wig, and there was a bow slung over one of his shoulders, complete with a sword hanging from a sheathe and ornate leather armor.

“Sorry guys, took me awhile, but it was worth it, am I right?” He put his hands out, spinning around as he continued down the hallway, stopping to wink at one of Jess’s fellow teachers who was walking in the opposite direction. “Hey, ‘sup? How you doin’?” Schmidt winked at her and raised his hand to his head in a ‘call me’ gesture.

“Schmidt, what in the heck-” started Jess.

“Dude, are you _Legolas?!_ ” Nick barked out with a laugh.

“Oh my god.” Winston said, putting his head in his hands. “Seriously, Schmidt? Seriously?”

Frowning, Schmidt came to a stop in front of them, hands outstretched wide. “What? You said to come as an elf, and I did! Of course I was going to pick the hottest elf out there because, hello, it’s me, Schmidt!” He smirked, gesturing at his body with his hands. “Hey, Jess, is Cece here by any chance? No, if she was she’d be all over me, right? Wanting to do a little role playing, know what I’m saying? Up high, guys, come on.” He put his hands up for the high fives he was certain he deserved.

Nick and Winston instead turned to look at Jess, who was standing between them.

“Right. My bad, Santa only has two elves this year, not three.” She turned on her heel and marched towards her classroom, adding “Jar, Schmidt!” as Nick and Winston falling in step. 

“OH COME ON YOU GUYS!” Schmidt sighed and pulled the wig off, then turned to head home, muttering under his breath. “Stupid lack of specific instructions. ‘Be an elf,’ they said, ‘come to the school,’ they said. Bah humbug.”


End file.
